when old people go bad

old people are a strange breed.

my fiesty old grandmother must be their leader.

this morning, i attended a family funeral and had a chance to once again get a taste of my grandmother's unique personality. the ol' bat managed to slip in 2 back-handed comments in less than 30 minutes - a new record.

first, she came up to where my cousin and i were standing. she had spoken earlier with another relative who had remarked to her on how beautiful her granddaughter is. the problem was she meant me and not my cousin, who in being a normal teen is sensitive about her looks. when i tried to deflect her comment by remarking that she must have meant to say granddaughters, she just stopped. "no dear, she didn't mean trisha. she said you're the beautiful one."

ouch.

next, she walks up to my big brother. my brother is, shall we say, big-boned? so after her first assault on us, she goes up to my brother pats his belly and tells him he needs a corset to hold his big belly in.

double ouch.

my brother managed to get the last laugh. he quickly responded by asking her what had happened to her eyebrows. see, she is one of the generation of women who pluck their eyebrows until they are bald. and then because they have no eyebrows, they draw them back in.

well, today, she had her "face" on - full makeup on her lips, face and eyes. cupie doll bright pink bow lips and bright red eyebrows. she swears it was brown.

it wasn't until we dropped her off at home did we discover real beauty secret. she used lip liner on her eyebrows. my aunt is still angry that we failed to get a picture of her with one of our camera phones.