my lips (and lunch) are sealed

dammit, i hate when they mess with my lunch.

as a chubby chick, i have bounced from one diet to another. the latest is jenny craig. part of jenny's shtick is you gotta eat their food, which ain't half bad if you consider eating half of what you'd normally consume appealing. that's why the other part of it is you consume buckets of "free foods" all fibrous fruits and veggies meant to fill you. hah! instead you fart like a lactose-intolerant wild animal after eating a meal of baked beans and cheesecake.

really, you could blow yourself around the room with the amount of farting that occurs. of course, being a vegetarian, i am doubly curse as most items contains beans. bean-o can't save me.

for lunch today i brought one of my "jenny" meals to scarf down "pasta fagioli". pasta and you guessed it -- beans.

which is fine. except they changed the glue formula on the package. so after microwaving (my kind of cooking) until hot, i'm left trying to pull the plastic cover that is now fused to the container to eat my lunch.

let's examine how many ways this could go wrong:

i could continue to poke at the tiny tear in the corner until it splashes me in the face or eyes -- which with my luck -- will definitely cause blindness.

i could violently attempt to rip off a corner and most certainly scald my hand in the process.

i could violently attempt to rip off a corner of the package and instead of scalding my hand, flip the entire fcuking package over covering my desk, me and whatever outfit i've got on that day in tomato sauce.

i could wait for it too cool before attempting removal of the cover, but then again, that defeats the purpose of heating your food in the first place.

i could whip out my handy dandy hacksaw that i keep in my desk draw for occasions just like this. what, you mean you don't have one?

perhaps jenny's new shtick isn't about making better choices or portion control but if you can't get access to your food, you can't eat it.