may queen

back when we were kids, we used to talk about our favorite months and places as if those days were more magical than other days. some of my friends loved the summer months for lazy summer days at the shores, others loved the crisp autumn air and the new beginnings each school year brought -- before class work and social adventures hit full swing. we loved winter holidays and the start of the baseball season.

but me? i loved may and october, each one a transitional month to segue into harsher climates. in may, the last reminders of the winter chill are burned off in dewey morning sunlight and replaced with brilliant, cloudless skies drenching the world in golden light at dusk.

october holds just opposite for me. the chill finally returns to replace the sticky humid air that hangs heavy over us, like a wet, woolen blanket draped over us. this blanket which makes us move slower, act slower, think slower -- and wishing if only this blanket could be shaken off. now suddenly, we were renewed with energy as traded shorts and tanks for sweatshirts and jeans. a crisp, smoky air filled our lungs even as the golden light weakened, without ever losing her beauty.

in a perfect world, it would always be one of these two months. flowers bursting through the earth and then quickly ducking for cover. smells of firewood burning and freshly mowed grass, of apples and hyacynth blooms. i am sure i could find places with these temperatures and move there. part of me wishes that i could be more transient. others can move cross country or to a new city, travel more. but that's not my style.

my family, my friends, my culture -- we dig deep roots.

i missed my may this year. i stumbled from my nephew's first birthday in late april until now, in a distorted haze of obligation and sadness, of family and living, and longing and death. this isn't right. october is the killing season, even in this even-numbered year.

a hard rain cursed us, soaking our roots. but even though we needed the rain, i am ready to throw off the woolen blanket.