what a girl wants

what a girl wants, what this girl needs... is a wife.

the next few paragraphs will not be an expose on the benefits of lesbian marriage or the death of feminism (although i reserve the right to riff on those topics at a later date). stop reading now if you choose but, be sure, this will not center on those topics.

i need a wife to take care of me. now, in all fairness, i would kick the first guy who said those words to me squarely in the nuts without so much as blinking.

then, i would kick him again just to be sure he understood the first time.

if i had a wife, the dishes from sunday would have been washed on sunday instead of the tower of food-encrusted plates waiting for me to wash tonight at 10 o'clock. if i had a wife, my wife would have paid the bills already so after my long day at work, after dinner i can relax. if i had a wife, dinner would be waiting for me to get ho--, oh wait. mam does make dinner for me. and lately, with my fcuked up schedule, dinner is waiting on the stove for me.

i hear the whining you're doing right, now. "wahhh," you have a demanding job. "wahhh," you generally like what you do and earn a good living. "wait, aren't you a wife?"

bite me.

before those words even cross your lips, let me remind you what happens to people who piss me off. i believe it's not sexist at all for me to want a wife. my gender-neutral wife would clean my house weekly and vacuum daily. my wife would go grocery shopping, pick up the dry cleaning, run errands, put away laundry, wash the windows -- all things i have all intentions of doing but just can't seem to find the time.

christina, when she agrees to marry burke, negotiates the terms of her acceptance of his marriage proposal -- "i don't do the ring thing. we're both surgeons and we'll have a lot of money, we can hire a wife" couldn't be a truer statement for me. (aside from the medical school degree, but i am getting my master's degree in something else, does that count for something??)

after meeting up with an old friend travelling on a completely divergent path than mine, i was jealous for a minute or two of how simple her life seems in comparison. knowing myself though, there is no way on this planet i could step into her shoes and be happy.

yes, a wife -- definitely what this girl wants.