dismount

okay, i know it's been way tooo long since my last post, beware of spam monkey which was half-assed to begin with. my time has been severely crunched lately. you know it's been too long when people ask you why you haven't updated your site lately, and begin to think something is seriously wrong.

where to begin? where to begin?

hmmm, i have written and rewritten and rewritten a 20-page article for my class this semester. after telling me what a wonderful writer i am and completely fully fluffing my ego, i actually told him in class "where's the but? i know it's in there somewhere" -- he tells me i'm a propagandist. huh?

then he really insulted me. he called me "newt gringrich". newt-fcuking-gringrich. a white-haired, hardcore rightwing politico has-been from the 90s. are you kidding me?

i looked at him, mouth open because i've been called a lot of things in my life -- bitch, cunt, ass, feminazi, pink-o commie -- but a right wing conservative asshole is a new one to add to the list.

seems the "issues" piece i was writing was too one-sided. his solution? start over. from scratch. i hated him. i still don't like this socially immature prof -- but and here's the important part -- i have learned something from him. as much as i am loathe to admit it.

* * * * *

the clock rolled over on another year of my life. i have high hopes for "thirty won-derful". so far at least, there's been no sickness in me or my family like last year's dance into a new decade. now, all but one friend has transitioned to the decade of the big three-oh.

funny, growing up and watching thirtysomething, those people seemed sooo old. i mean they had kids and careers and seemed more together than me and my friends do. instead, we're like an older version of friends or at least how the version would be if the characters all played their real age from the beginning. we're still searching for our path -- some of us are further on the path but none of us are too sure of where its going and if this is where we'll be in 5 years.

now that i think of it, most of us want to be somewhere else in 5 years. the goddess girls want to be nurses, married and some with families of their own. belly wants to be settled somewhere, family optional. others are coming to terms with dreams we had as children may not be realized like lainey. i want to write books and quit the corporate grind, as much as i love the feverish pace, the politics, and the insanity a co-worker adamently calls "that's bullsssshhhit. bullshit."

and as much as some of us are freaking out, others are on cruise control and just enjoying the scenery. i am most jealous of them.

* * * * *

sleep has been scant these last few weeks. when i get stressed, my body reacts two ways: 1) i have trouble sleeping, and 2) chocolate becomes as essential to life as air.

you can joke but when i checked an email that said there could be a possible chocolate shortage, it brought a cold panic over me. i will be that crazy person caught on grainy convenience store footage holding the poor clerk hostage over a twix bar. or worse, i'll be found guilty of assaulting girl scouts over their boxes of thin mints.

regardless, when i'm stressed out, sleep-deprived and craving a chocolate fix, i can be.... oh, how to put this delicately...mmmm. bitchy?

okay, bitchier than normal. or as my brother is now quick to remind me these days, i need to dismount.

as in crawl down off my high horse.

i hope you forgive my tardiness in posting. i was trying to figure of how to jump off without crashing.