starting small, very small

i could apologize to any readers i've thoroughly miffed by not posting for the last, oh say, 4 months. but i won't. part of being unabashedly bitchy is never having to say you're sorry. there are simply times when being bitchy is the only way to fly.

(although i will apologize to any readers not in the inner circle who may have been concerned that my absence meant i was in jail for actually holding the pillow over my mother's head during her long, long, looonngg stay at casa michalski over the holidays.)

now, where was i? ahem, yes, being bitchy. my birthright. but even i can keep my forked tongue in my cheek from time to time. take for instance the night at dinner, when after my mother picked up my pepper shaker with hands as slick as professional wrestler's chest, only to watch it shatter into a million little pieces as ceramic shaker met ceramic tile floor. sneezing and choking, we picked up the shards as pepper dust filled our lungs. finally sitting back down to eat, she leans over to ask me if i have any more pepper.

ahem.

or the night she wore a path into my hardwood floors, pacing circles in the loop between my living room, dining room and kitchen in her nightgown as i washed dishes at the sink, waiting to talk with me. i quickly grabbed my glass of wine from dinner, topped it off and headed upstairs to the "no-mom" zone of the second floor where our master suite is.

speaking of, final cork count for the forty two days of her stay? 14, including wine served at the holiday dinner at my house, otherwise i would be averaging a bottle every three days and my liver is just not that far gone. yet.

but i don't apologize for any of those behaviors. i'm bitchy and i'm baaaaaccck. did you miss me?