thank-yuh jeee-sus!

uggh... the christmas letter.

this is not your typical christmas letter, although it contains much of the usual parts. what we did this year, an update on travels throughout the year, yadda, yadda, yadda.

this one is from holy rollers. born-again christians. how do i get into these things? praise the lord!

the couple's connection with us can only be blamed on my husband. the guy is HIS coworker.

at first they seemed nice, the guy was new to my husband's company and at the time, the closest one in age to my husband. we lived relatively close to where he and his wife did. we both got married in the same month. we both like dogs.

and that is where the similarities ended. it was probably the 2nd or 3rd meeting before i realized they were thumpers. bible-thumpers.

at first they were somewhat discreet about their religion. (as it should be.) it wasn't until they kept asking us about what church we went to that the hairs on the back of my neck went up. my tail started swishing. that's when i knew i was in a bad place. we don't go to church. we're heathens. and we were about to be preached to. praise jeeessus!

i feel worse for my husband though. he has to listen to this guy's 'sermon on the mount' everyday at the office. he was more than a christian, he was eee-van-glical. born-again. believes the bible at face value. if jesus said 'hop on one foot and rub your belly' this idiot would be doing it.

so obviously this guy and his wife need to send us a christmas letter with an update of the past year. every year. because we care sooo deeply.

the countless times i've turned down going to her crazy woman-spiritual retreats weren't enough to tell her to scram. retreats where the wives sit around and discuss 'how an unused uterus is a sad uterus'. the last time she asked i told her i was sick. i knew i would be sick 3 weeks in advance. god told me so.

anyway, the letter comes today in the mail. here's what gets my panties in a wad... these folks have now adopted a full vegan diet. because god told them to.

normally as a vegetarian, i would be happy for someone who decides it's right for them. but not these people. i am thinking about mailing them an unsigned box of hot dogs.

this guy -- every year -- is sat at the same table as my husband and me for company dinners or events. each year for the last 7 years i get intrusive questions on why i am a vegetarian and why else would god make animals but for them to be on your plate, hahaha... and why aren't you going to church.... you catch the drift.

for those who know me well, you know at times i can be called upon to act like a lady and graciously smile through clenched teeth. keep my tail in check, too.

if you know me well, you also know at times i can howl like a she-devil and taking shelter is the safest bet if you wish to survive. #*&%!!#

but i kept my feelings in check with this guy. all those years! wasted opportunities to sink my fangs into him and give him a real response to his up-my-butt questions. man, what a rip.

maybe with the hot dogs i'll write my vegetarian wo-manifesto and mail it to his house. thank-yuh jeee-sus!