measure up

we all have our inner demons which fill us full of self-doubt and chip away at our self-esteem. maybe if we shine the light on these demons they won't seem so bad in the daylight.

some demons that make me feel as if i don't measure up. sometimes i feel:

like my house, my clothes, my job, my body will never be good enough (and i don't know exactly who they won't be good enough for.)

as if i have not accomplished enough professionally

as if i am hideously ugly

like someday everyone will finally realize i am an idiot

like choosing the small, no-name college with a free ride was not all it's cracked up to be

out-of-place working in the boys club despite working towards changing it

like a sell-out for working in a "boys club"

like a sell-out not working in an animal's or women's shelter

like getting married young was a mistake

like getting married to my best friend was the best decision of my life

like i need to spend more time thinking of others

like i need to stop worrying about what others think

like i need to practice loving instead of hating no matter how much more fun it is to be snarky

like i'll never have enough money to be stable

like the class i was born into isn't good enough

like i will never escape where i came from even though it shapes everything about me

like this time, my diet will work

like things are going to change this time

like money is not the answer but it certainly helps ease the pain

like stability and trust can be highly overrated except in your self

like i'm a crappy doggy mom for not spending enough time with my girls

like i'm a crappy wife for not treating my husband with more respect

like i am invincible and utterly indestructible

like i am achilles and covering my heel

i am bored until a new challenge presents itself and i find myself wanting to be bored again

like the more things change, the more i stay the same.

and if you move real slow, you can hear the sound of silence.