bread and cheese for the soul

how often does the saying "be careful what you wish for" actually friggin come true?

true that one of my life's great pleasures is food -- good food, bad food, salty food, chocolate food, i love it all. the proof is in the size of my ass.

and now that i have a scout's honest need to gorge myself on none other than bread, cheese and foreswear most -- if not all -- things healthy and good for oneself, i feel gross. i am bloated and gas-y from a steady diet of cheese. my skin is breaking out like a love-lorn teenager at prom-season from the lack of vegetables and my energy level is next to nill.

and of course, since my doctor weened me from my blood-clot-forming birth-control pills, i am horny as a cat in heat. you know you want me --looking all luscious as i do right now with multiple chins and pimples. admit it -- i am one hot momma.

smokin.

so please heed my warning. when you wish you could eat your off-limit foods anytime you wish, be careful what you wish for. it may just come true.

and if you happen to find me in the closet hunched over a bag of spinach in a compromising position, please just shut avert your eyes and shut the door.