on santa's naughty list

while researching some things for my final project for class (i am beginning to think i will be in grad school forever) i needed the url for a website i tracked down the night before. being the tech-savvy girl that i am, i decided to check my browser's history file.

which is why i am now convinced i am on santa's naughty list.

christmas time each year is a crap shoot for me as to which list i wind up on. some years i manage to keep my anti-social urges in check. (sometimes, people even say i can be... ahem, nice.) admittedly though, there are far fewer of those folks than the ones who call me a bitch, but que sera sera.

so what does this have to do with my research project? well, lemme tell ya. it involves a little thing called curiousity and something about how it killed a cat, which just so happened to be right after the cat swallowed poor tweety bird who flapped about in a frenzy, yelling "i deed, i deed see a puddy tat!"

at christmas time, no one should ever use the view history option on their web browser. mam and i are both pretty big online shoppers so it's no surprise that either of us would choose to do our holiday shopping for one another online.

sooo, do i think of this before i go digging through our recent web travels? nope.

any sane, rationale person would think of this immediately after they realize "wow, we've been on a lot of websites recently". then that person would promptly close the window after getting what they had intended to find in the first place.

i am not that sane, rational person. nope. not even close.

in my defense, the site that i decided to visit was one of his snowboarding/skiing websites. you know the kind, where the skater folks look all hip, with great hair and hip bones jutted just so. not at all like reality where one's lips are horribly chapped, one's nose is red and helplessly weeping snot while wearing windblown hair that's not at all like sexy, just-rolled-out-of-bed hair but just knotted and tangled like a homeless person.

what my snooping self did was try to snoop on something that was not on his impossible-to-extract-from-him xmas wish list. instead, i get a preview of my christmas morning feigning excitement and choking down fear of careening down an icy hill wearing his present. looking like a newborn gazelle (wow, i've never compared myself to a gazelle before) learning to walk (okay, maybe it should be a foal that i am comparing myself to) on brand new legs, or in this case -- a snowboard.

after three mouse clicks, i realized all of his web searching was for snowboard jackets and paraphenalia for those of the female gender. for one moment there, i did find myself wishing he was into wearing women's clothes. but i'm not that lucky to be married to a cross-dressing, snowboarding afficiando.

no, the son-of-a-bitch was trying to outfit ME in his little snowbunny outfits! obviously he's forgetting that i am neither of the size to be considered a bunny (more like a "snow walrus" these days) nor have the inclination to spend my time outside in the cold on my ass blowing snot rockets like there's no tomorrow. with tangled, nasty hair to boot, thank you very much.

no way is this mamacita into playing those reindeer games!