what i am thankful for

right now, i am most thankful that thanksgiving only happens once a year.

don't get me wrong, the fall is my favorite season and thanksgiving is it's penultimate holiday. but in reality, i am not sure i know of too many people who look forward to that much family togetherness.

and anyone who does is a liar. and possibly already drunk.

how did what was meant to be a celebration turn into such a melting pot of family hostility? a night of pass-me-a-plate-of-passive-aggression with a side of cranberry sauce, please.

don't get me wrong, my family loves each other. we just can't stand being around each other. add in a dash of food sensitivities, a large splash of alcohol and it's amazing that we manage to survive any of our family dinners together. corrupting the occasion even more is the "my house vs. your house" location argument and "who's picking up grandma from the hood" that gets more heated and dangerous each year.

not the 'hood per se, that's always been a disaster. it's the stakes in who gets the 45 minute ride down and back listening to my nan bitch about why she is still alive. doesn't god know she wants to die? she's wanted to die since 1986 and it is now her greatest failure that she hasn't yet.

somehow this year i think i sold my soul to the devil, my brother. i am pretty sure that by agreeing to his terms to both pick her up and drive her home i need to find a goat, a virgin and an altar somewhere by sunset tomorrow.

after all, we are talking about the woman who brings her own beer to social gatherings. not too many people still drink pabst blue ribbon over a certain age. how many grandmothers do you know that can hang at the bar with 20-something bike messengers drinking shots of pbr all night?

my cousins and fellow she-devils and i do the silent conversations pleading with each other for help. as in "please make her shut up" and "no, you sit there" that can make or break dinner for all of us. my uncle pokes fun at what he calls the "weak", because in his mind, what else is there to do at family gatherings?

we try to talk about what is going on in each of our lives. my cousins in college, my brother and i are now cube dwellers, our parents are already well-versed in each other's happenings to begin with. why then do we suffer?

because underneath it all, we all understand where each other is coming from. and as much as we can drive each other batty, we do feel some small trickle of love and compassion for each other.

even if we have to slice each other open to get to it.