sucker punch

with all of my medical melodramas that i have encountered in my ... ummm, 29B years, i can usually tell when i am on the road to recovery -- my doctor's office staff stops treating me like a princess.

yup, no more spur-of-the-moment appointments, no more just-go-right-back,-the-doctor-is-weighting-for-you greetings and certainly no frequent stepping on the scale routines. i usually attribute this to the "why torment the sick and dying anymore than we need to" mentality?

but today, folks, i must be healthy. not only did i have to wait a week?!? to get an appointment for bloodwork, the nurse who would be doing my lab work asked me to step on the scale.

"'scuse-ez moi?" i asked innocently, pretending not to hear her as i drop my work bag into the chair in the examination room.

"let's just step over here and get your weight." she tried again.

shit, i looked right at her as she said it while i'm thinking i have a good 6" over her and i'm not wearing heels. i can take her down pretty quickly, without needing to sit on her. if i pretend not to hear her again, she's going to fit me for a hearing aid before i leave today.

inside my head i rage a great conversation with all the reasons why that might not be a good idea; my favorite one involved me telling her to just punch me in the stomach instead -- either way, if i stepped on the scale or if she slugged me in the gut, i was pretty much assured to feel sick to my stomach and angry for the rest of the day.

instead, i gulped, slid out of my fuzzy, no-name wannabe uggs clogs. i stepped up. and before i could let the air naturally fade from my lungs, it hit me...

oy.

turns out 12 days of potato really did add 12 pounds of blubber to my growing spare tire in the belly since i last stepped on the scale sometime in august.

it's a good thing my course of treatment should be wrapping up soon, she pulls another stunt like today and the sucker punch may be for her.