un-christmas

now that we are firmly apres-christmas (ljam, that means after, not before), i am ready to un-christmas my house. i know that once that is done we can march firmly into the doldrums of january and into my most favorite time of the year -- organization season.

organization season marks the time of year, when after receiving lots of christmas doodads, tchotkes and clothes you discover you didn't really need or want, you need a place to stash your christmas booty. this should not to be confused with your christmas "bootay", the ultra-fine, rap-model's girlfriend's posterior you developed during your 12 days of potato feasting. although finding a place to park that these days can be problematic as well.

thankfully, i am starting to un-christmas as i write this. the stock market is closed for a national day of mourning because an ex-president has died, enabling me to enjoy an unexpected vacation day. i'm telling ya it's the best thing republicans can do for me these days is to keep dying. c'mon bush senior -- you're about time, aren't ya? momma needs a holiday!

in the meantime, i am going to work on dismantling the dying tree that lay in my family room, festively decorating in cheap pieces of glass and ribbon and lights that mythbusters swear won't catch on fire unless i heavily loaded the sucker with extension cord after extension cord of c9 bulbs. i'll put away the fake pointsettia plants i use to save li'l miss chloe from a certain death if she went crazy chewing the leaves on the real plant like she did on the plastic.

i'll put away the stockings that were hung by the chimney with care so that i can now use my fireplace without worrying about my living room going up in flames. the nights will be less bright now that the army of inflatable santas, rudolphs and homer clauses will be put away until next year. maybe the stupid people who designed them will come up with a valentine version like "cardiac my heart" with little replacement valves and cholesterol that float about inside the bigger heart that will beat bloody red. of course, you'll probably just find ones with insipid teddy bears instead with the words, "i wuv you" on the side. blechhh. how corny. let's ban them like trans-fat in a new york deli.

c'mon january, be still my organizing heart!