any day spent in the company of family calls for alcohol.
not just a class of vino, but hard-core chugging anything that might give a buzz is acceptable. mouthwash in large enough doses can be used. minty fresh breathe and no hang over. sweet!
the problem with my family is the alcohol. we're not waspy wine and port drinkers. no, my grandmother keeps schlitz beer in existence. she gets christmas cards from the ceo thanking her for another wonderful year of sales.
my aunt keeps a lover. his name is jim beam. in fact, when she's in the spirit (usually after 8pm) we like to say she's "beamed up."
me, my poison of choice has always been vodka and vodka drinks. i might as well be russian for my ability to swill the stuff. even in high school when i got caught drinking at lunchtime in the cafeteria it was vodka in my oj that got me busted. (i'm hardcore, baby.)
not that i am proud of my stupidity. i have done a lot of stupid things in my short life. but i can't ignore it either. my bad girl badge of courage has many patches.
so yesterday when the family gets together for the holidays, it's never a dull moment. my cousins are old enough (late teens, early 20s) to verbally punch back in the family sparring matches that take place. us girls tend to gang up on my brother and fight dirty.
my brother files solo as the only boy in the family besides my uncle (who thinks we're all insane) and my husband (who equally thinks we're nuts and pities my brother for swimming in our demented gene pool).
my mom, goddess bless her, is a teetotaller. really, she is the odd one in the group. doesn't drink, takes care of the crazy old bat, and puts up with all the rest of us and our insane antics.
i am in the weird place. my cousin is taking over my role of antagonist in our family. from my pink hair to her purple, her completely liberal politics and ability to filibuster vigilantly, i have handed over the torch. my uncle says by handing over the torch i've officially become an adult. i don't quite like the sound of that.
like the day at mama's vegetarian lunch cafe when the cashier called my ma'am. i spit the dirty words back at her: "what did you just call me?" if i wasn't there with coworkers it could have gotten nasty. the ghetto girl in me was awake and pissed.
i am not ready to be an adult. even if technically i am one. and there is nothing quite like being around family to make you aware of it.
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