not a colada

for once, i wasn't involved in making this cooking mess. and we've discovered liz is never allowed to cook with milk again. first curdled custard and now curdled colada.

note to liz: what the hell was all the white powdery stuff you used to make the not-a-coladas? it looked like we were doing lines of coke on the bar when we were cleaning up the mess. mike had less flour in the kitchen and he was doing his dance of the pizza-making fairies again.

in trying to analyze the frothy, foaming not-a-colada left to separate into two distinct layers, we set off a round of dirty word associations as we tried to describe the contents of the blender.

"it's the cum used in a japanese porno." "the foamy beach jizz that's left behind after the waves crash on it".

all of which just titillated us even more. so a bunch of thirty-year-olds are trying to out-gross each other with sex terminology.

the shocker - two in the pink, one in the stink.

double pump jump - man's sorry excuse for an attempt at anal sex. as in sorry, i slipped. yup. sure ya did.

jelly donut - tasty treat for the guy not icked out by his girlfriend being on the rag.

cleveland steamer - my dogs leave steaming piles of this in the yard. why anyone would want to do this to another person, i just don't know. but if they ever need a fix, they can bring a bag or two and scoop some from my yard. no questions asked.

santorum - yum, the frothy mess of fecal matter, cum and lube left behind (no pun intended) after anal sex. term can also be used to refer to the republican, ass-sucking politician.

dirty sanchez - for my bridal shower, flug bought me a sombrero so i can have a proper dirty sanchez. try explaining to my grandmother and other older female relatives what a dirty sanchez is. i just kept saying he bought it for me because i like margaritas.

queen of fellatio - my nickname given to me by flug. for a gay man, flug is often involved with aspects of my sex-life.

of course, there's tons more we have yet to hear or know about. pretty soon, we'll all be dirty ol' folks, sitting around the old folks home discussing felching.